Picture this: It’s a Friday night, and you’re endlessly swiping on your apps. As you turn up the volume on Housewives and swirl your glass of wine, you start to realize something vital — all of these profiles kind of look the same. He’s a man in finance but not 6’5″. His favorite show is The Office, he loves tacos and he’s fluent in sarcasm. He’s ethically non-monogamous and looking for something short term, but open to long (whatever that means). It’s almost as if you need a key, some sort of guide to deciphering his dating profile. Enter The Territorie.
As all of our friends’ go-to confidant for dating advice, we’re well-equipped to tackle the topic of discussion this cuffing season: dating apps. We’ve been there — the infinite swiping, the fleeting moments of excitement, the existential dread of feeling like you might be single forever, the endless profiles that start to blur together. At one point, you’re left asking, “How many guys are going to reference The Office on here?” The emotional rollercoaster is real: boredom, excitement, the pangs from radio silence, the exhaustion of having to return to the drawing board. Deciphering a potential boo’s dating profile starts to feel like a full-time job — and not one we enjoy. Luckily for you, we’re here to help you navigate it all.
Assess the Photos
First things first: obviously, the photos. Does this person visually align with your vibe? We’d love to hit you with the classic “don’t judge a book by its cover” line, but let’s be honest — there are layers to this. Maybe judge a book a little by its cover, but don’t write someone off just because they don’t perfectly fit your “type” at first glance. You might be pleasantly surprised by someone you would’ve initially overlooked.
Scan the photos for indicators of their interests or taste. What subtle clues can you pick up about them — are they a finance bro? Outdoorsy? Pretentious? An edge lord? A “normal guy”? You speak French, and he speaks French? If they’re reading a cliché book, are they doing it ironically or earnestly (for example, when Bradley Cooper read Nabokov’s Lolita to Suki Waterhouse)? Be honest with yourself: is he giving off fuckboy energy? Still, maybe he’s a reformed fuckboy and you can give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Typecasting may be inevitable, but trust your instincts.
Analyze the Dating Profile Details
This is where you can decipher what your potential match is looking for. Aside from the basics and essential details — age, height (sorry to be shallow) — one of the first things you should check is their desired relationship type. While obviously this can change once you meet someone, whatever your preference is, make sure it aligns with what this person is putting out there. If you’re looking for someone serious, we’d suggest skipping any guy who is blatantly putting that they’re looking for hookups or flings. If his profile says “short term, open to long”, he’s just looking for a hookup, bestie. You don’t need another situationship of back and forth, being strung along and trying to change his mind — let’s be past that. And if it wasn’t already obvious: if he’s 40+ and he says he’s still “figuring it out,” it’s an automatic no.
Can You Be Yourself With Him?
The next thing you should determine is if his dating profile makes you comfortable. What we mean by that is, did it make you laugh? Did he say something that gave you the desire to write him first? Whether you’re the playful, sarcastic type or more serious, lead with what makes you you, and see if he matches your energy. Can he keep up with your banter? If you scare the wrong person off by being yourself, great. If a guy stops replying to you, take it as a sign that it saved you time and energy investing in the wrong person.
Maybe you have random little dealbreakers — we all do. Maybe you’re really into film and match with someone who doesn’t know who Tarkovsky is. We all have our unique lines in the sand. Only you can know what’s non-negotiable for you.
Gauge His Reciprocity
If you reach the point of matching and chatting, pay attention to reciprocity. Is he making an effort to get to know you? One word answers are a non-starter. But also, are you making an effort to get to know him? Make sure you’re giving him something to respond to. You shouldn’t have to do all the work — and neither should he. Your energy and engagement should be reciprocated.
Have Realistic Expectations
Remember, no one is going to be your perfect, flawless match. Dating apps are about finding that sweet spot between dealbreakers and things you’re willing to compromise on (he loves football, and you don’t? Probably not a huge deal). If you fixate on finding someone who checks every box, you might miss out on someone who, despite their quirks, could turn out to be a great match. After all, while we’re not fully sold on the whole “opposites attract” thing, it’s about finding the balance between being open-minded and getting clear about what you really want.
